Loss rages
unexpected
as a bushfire
it burns
the water dry
cardboard drops
stick inside
my blistered
throat

The world once
upright overturned
I walk legless
and catatonic

Even months
from now
after I have strained
singlehandedly to
push these monolithic
buildings back into
their rightful place
this decimated spot
where you once stood
will lie empty
and my choices will be
to tend the weeds
that grow in your place
or avoid this place forever

This hurtful place
that drew a line
smack bang
through my life
and gashed its
forever scar of across
my face and heart

Before
and
after

My hands will
perpetually
flutter
and rub
this welt that bears
witness
to you
being wrenched out
of my life

And here we all stand
in cindered fields
emotions spent
bearing our new
definitions
ones that have us
hyphenated
mother-less
father-less
brother-less
sister-less
child-less

And when all
seems gone
you dissolved
only reflections remain
we catch glimpses
of ourselves
aching to hold it
together
clutching at scattered
fragments of
our souls and stitching
them back together to
never become
soul-less

© Tanya Southey

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Grace knows

Grace knows
how to stack
your vertebrae
one above
the other

Align the spine
when the haters
cry to have you
stooped and bent
when all expect
you to spit
back the venom
that was aimed
directly at
your good intentions

Grace knows
that dignity
is the precursor
to love
grace knows
to hold firm
smile and wave
walk away
remain upright
but not uprighteous
poised and elegant
compassionate
above the fray

Grace knows

© Tanya Southey

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The wilderness
was once visible
a hooded darkness
of caves and woods
monsters concealed
in logs or behind
shadowy rocks

A lonely place

The wilderness
is now invisible
a place of
tall buildings
and people milling
a proximity of connection
but utter disconnection
a place of aching
aloneness in the
closeness of crowds
a million likes
but not one smile

We crave belonging
this timeless spaceless
knowing that we are loved
that we are seen
that someone knows
in this wilderness
that we really do exist
the one whose eyes
lock onto ours
and without words say
‘I know exactly
who you are
soul of my soul’

The rain
absorbed

You
internalised

Loneliness
dissolved

Only the
lingering
lightness
of connection

© Tanya Southey

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Don’t wrap me
in your pity
or stifle me
with sympathy
the lion’s roar
may well
seem silenced
but it’s alive
within my core

Don’t smother me
with platitudes
or shroud me
in condescension
sympathy will only
invoke my rage
my wounds
will scream
with anger

Tread water
with me in the inky
ocean of emotion
don’t throw the
rope of
patronising promises
to drag me in
trust me enough
to float next to me
in these deep
uncomfortable waters
don’t seek to soothe
your own discomfort

Only then might we
be washed up
spent
ready for restoration
on the beach of
understanding

© Tanya Southey
#52words52weeks

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It’s easy not to trust,
to doubt that
all that you need
will fall into place

It’s effortless
to fall into the fear
and miss the signs
of the quiet blossoming

We are led to
believe that support
and love come in
large packages
with bells and whistles
and cards signed
by the entire cast
of your life
and perhaps
a celebrity hero
thrown in for
final
confirmation

We fail to see
that abundance
comes in small seeds
easy to dismiss
as flecks of nothingness
these tiny specks
that hold the light
need to be planted
in dense, dark soil
their code hidden from
the naked eye
but watered, nurtured
and nourished
they flourish into
massive oaks
of joy

The beginning
may not foretell
the grandeur of the end
that wisp of an idea
that glimpse of shy
inner knowing
that defies logic
can only
burst forth
and grow
when held
in the candlelit room
of your aloneness

Be brave
go into yourself
embrace the silence
and in the gentle
rustling of your
own creation
you will find
the magic
of your intentions
manifesting the
abundance
your heart desires

© Tanya Southey
#52words52weeks

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We are all
fleeing
from something
even those
who appear
to be standing
still

Even those who
are planted in
the same spot
as the moment
of their birth
these rare beasts
who seem
to be happily
grazing on their
less than green grass

All of us require
sanctuary
a close canopy of
trees beside
a bubbling brook
and a log cabin
in the forests
of our minds

Light the candle
in your mind
open the door
to your
understanding
let the refugee
of yourself return
homeless from
the breakdown
of your own beliefs
and all your shattered
dreams and loves

Perhaps the fresh air
of our own
compassion will
sooth us and
create a space
for the dirt covered
children with
flies on their
eyelids and bombs
in their hearts
instead of being so
caught up
in our own need
for sanctuary and our
imaginary monsters
lying in wait
in our backyards

© Tanya Southey
#52words52weeks

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Homecoming isn’t
the same anymore
the furniture has
been rearranged
and grief sits in
your empty chair

The spoon has
leached its metal
into my tea and
the milk seems
curdled even though
it’s in the halcyon days
before its use by date

There is a fragment
of me standing
on the mantlepiece
a part of you is laughing
next to me

Will this new me
ever wear the previous
mantle of my peace?

Home is no longer
a physical place
to rest and retreat in
it’s the sound of
an opera floating
on the breeze
the scent of roses
after summer rain
hydrangeas growing
in the shade of a
mossy wall
pasta in a blue and
white ceramic bowl

Homecoming
shattered
to shards
of memories
scattered like ashes
appearing
wherever I am

© Tanya Southey
#52words52weeks

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I hand-picked a
constellation
of stars and
hid them
in my heart
they shine
reflected on
the lake inside
my mind

This is the place
where you
will always live
even as the wild
geese cry in flight
even as the moon
rises on lonely
landscapes
and planes
take off
leaving a vapour
trail of all
we wished
to say
but didn’t

And when
morning cracks
another sky
and all the stars
appear to fade
you’re still there
Venus rising
hanging near the moon

reflected

© Tanya Southey

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Invisible and some
say non-existent

I know you are
out there somewhere
in a place where
time has no clocks
hovering over me
wispy, wise
benevolent

When the opinionated
ego with its
petulant wounds
withdraws
its magic and
sulks inside its bruises
you nudge me
out of myself
and into the places
that prove you exist
vast forests
majestic trees
cold lakes
music, rhythm
waves folding
onto morning sand
words planted together
trembling with
growing meaning

and just when I think
all is lost

you
shuffle
a chess piece
a serendipitous meeting
a feather on the floor
words fall out of a book
and into my palm
suddenly holding the
universe and all its wisdom

playful

soulful

© Tanya Southey

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The shadows
were long
in the setting sun
and you had kept
all your promises
to the ones
you loved

You had even
honoured
the ones
to whom
you only
admired
or less

And yet

You had broken
many made
to yourself

Not the big ones
like travel
the world
or build
a career

But there were
vows you should
have been taken
more seriously
seen by the world
as smaller
inconsequential

To never let
yourself down
to follow your
intuition
when it screamed
sound advice

And now you
grasp there is
only one that
should ever be kept –
to love and honour
this life
no matter its texture
no matter the path

Only you
could keep
the pledge
your heart knew
had to be made

© Tanya Southey

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