I remember the first poem I wrote. I was six and I sat down to write a poem for my grandfather for his birthday. Many years later, when he passed away, I was helping my aunt clean out his cupboards and in amongst his things, I found a battered, old, tin Dutch cigar box with all the poems and letters I had written to him in my childhood. It was like discovering layers of myself. It also gave me a sense of how this stern man loved me, even though he was not demonstrative. His steely blue eyes could flash between cold and warmth in a nano-second if you did something wrong.

In my adolescence I wrote many, many poems that were filled with teenage angst, idealism or extreme optimism. I have a distinct memory of being about 16 years old and my now husband, working on the Mini, he was restoring, while I lay under a tree in my bikini, writing furiously under dappled light. Recently I have read a book called “Saved by a Poem” by Kim Rosen, about the impact of words on our psyche and how the rhythm of words can be extremely healing. I agree with that as a concept, either with songs or poems that I have committed to memory. My favourite poets are read and reread, they never date, they do heal, they hold memories and emotions and help me through things, or just bring me back to a positive place. Attached is a poem on being alone that I love and also my very favourite poet ee cummings who wrote “i carry your heart” which seems apt since I unplugged a well of emotion on all my friends who have emigrated! Sorry!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

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Tanya Uncategorized