Let”s talk about what I call “Generalised Crankiness Disorder”. It is not classified in the DSM IV yet, but I am hoping I am ahead of the pack and a thought leader on this. GCD occurs for me when things I love doing get thrown out of kilter and then I feel it descending on me like a fog.

Take this morning for instance, I am really into Joanne Fedler’s book “Eat when Hungry.” I like to read on the train on the way to work. It is MY time and I get precious little of that. So the thirty minutes that I am gently rocked into the city, sometimes on schedule, sometimes not, could be an enormous waste of time. Instead, I have turned it into something precious and fiercely guarded. I coccoon myself with my favourite “tone setting” music on my ipod, I check Facebook and I swallow books whole, burping out content at the end of my journey and rubbing my stomach in satisfied glee (Yes, the food analogy is not lost on me!).

Except today when I left my book at home! And as I got to the station I felt the irritating descent of GCD. I like my routine. Is that sad? I like that I have turned the mundane into a spectacular opportunity that no one can mess with and I hate it when I muck that up. So there I sat on the train with a decision, do I go with the GDC? Or do I “feel it file it” and move on? I know what the answer should be but I feel like wallowing in my lost opportunity. Again with the iritation of loss! Pehaps I have to look at how I embrace loss and not feel like a petulant child in its presence? We are not taught to sit with uncomfortable emotions. We are rescued from them by well meaning carers, who rush in to “make things better”. I know, I have spent 18 years trying to make sure my daughter NEVER feels a negative emotion. Probably my well-intentioned clumsiness in this regard has actually inadvertantly caused a few! Would I have done better just holding her and saying it is okay, it is generalised crankiness condition, this too shall pass, rather than saying cheer up? Feelings are just feelings and if we sit with them long enough they too shall pass. But once acknowledged, the next time they come around they don’t sting an open wound.

Just as the comfortableness of the uncomfortableness was starting to feel okay, my bubbly, hyper-manic, gorgeous friend rings me. As I answer quietly, whispering “I am on the train”, she kicks it up a notch as she LOVES catching me on my commute and saying outrageous things while I reply with a muted “mmmh hhhhe” to the crowded carriage. And with that the crankiness cracked into a mischievous grin and my day started in a much better way. Thanks, Bud! Generalised Crankiness Disorder is lifted by acknowledgement, light and laughter. SO much better than reaching for a muffin and chewing on it…

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Tanya Uncategorized